umm….. i cant think of a good title
well where do i start…… it has been crazy. i went to Florida April 1 and let me tell you it is amazing. it started out like any other conference the normal uneasy feeling in the air. people getting there faith and hunger set by what they hear and feel. we ran the book tables for Craig and several other ministries making small talk with conference junkies and missionaries, preachers and intercessors. first night i met a lady who had found a gem in her bath tub while she was cleaning and im talking pretty nice size for a diamond that was pretty cool to actually see. close down the book table and went in to service and got swept into worship. a guy named Roy fields was leading worship who now is Todd’s main worship guy. throughout the week we met many of fresh fires staff and associates and even connected with many of the locals. gospel, Austin (Gospel is an intern Austin new somebody who new Craig) and myself were staying with a older couple who were elders in the church. Dennis and Georgia egge lived in this wonderful little condo on a gulf course (like the rest of Florida). they were amazing took out to eat and did everything they could to make us feel at home. Georgia is missionary to all over but mostly to Peru where she trains pastors. if you want talk about a hard core lady this is it, eating grubs and ants, monkey and sloth just about anything that i considered way out there she ate it. a lot of what we did was catching and making sure speakers had water, helping setup crew and taking care of the book tables. i honestly cant remember all the healings that happened in the first couple of days but being at the book tables gave us several opportunities for praying and seeing miracles. a ladies arms and legs grew out i remember and there other people who just wanted to get rocked. to be completely honest there was not a hole lot of opportunity for us to minister however we did get opportunity to serve the people who were so in many ways it was a good thing because as most people who go to a healing conference are they have the mind set that (if only Todd prays for me then it will happen).the first night Todd went right after that mind set and started talking about if you really want your miracle you will just reach up and get it he talked about in faith moving testing it out. and believing God for your miracle. Todd really wanted people to have the mind set beyond the prayer line. i was really glad to see God moving in a more sovereign way where it isnt about the man of God it is about God doing it and you receiving directly from him no more middle man. Craig was preaching the morning sessions and he blew everyone out of the water, there was kinda a mindset of your just one of Todd’s interns so your not going to be as good as him. but Craig definitely held his own and there at the beginning of the meetings there were more testimonies of people getting healed in the morning session than the night. we did have one opportunity to minister where criag called us up and introduced us and let us call out words of knowledge and as always everyone is looking at everyone like im not going first you go first, so i went first i called out what i saw and i really didnt have anything before i got up there. but hay open your mouth and God will fill it if you let him. it was cool because it was easy know sweat just bam here it is, it was kinda funny because i was getting to the place in the spirit where i didnt even need to think i just spoke i looked at this lady who responded to a word i called out and said are you in ministry and i immediately knew she did youth related ministry.
there was one instant where the power of God got on me so strong that it was wild. craig had called us up to pray and i went up to this lady and she looks at me and said that she and her son were living on the street and that she had health issues and her son was going through a ruff time and i felt this wave hit me i could barley stand and every time i tried to say something i couldn’t i just stood there and cried i couldnt even look at her i held her hands and just was so over whelmed. through this experience i felt the Lord saying you dont say anything if your spirit is not behind it. and he said if your spirit is behind it do you really need to say anything? i felt that God was showing me that i had moved toward a place of knowing what to say and how to say it and it was still God yet not allowing the heart of God to fully come through. how many times have i said something that spiritually looks good and sounds edifying and it is but we dont allow are own heart to be wounded for that person or situation.
kinda in the same train of thought the Lord has been speaking to me on a total new form of prophesy that to be honest is really just encouragement. several times God has lead me to encourage people in away that we see as normal and kinda ordinary.
instead of saying God loves you he wants the best for you he wants to honor you he thinks your amazing God say your special. God has led me to say i love you i want to honor you i think your amazing i think your special. so much of the world is looking for someone to approve of them and while saying that God loves you is so amazing is important the lord has showed me that as a brother as a friend as son i need to show my approval of the people around me. we were helping craig in the morning session and he was about done he said i want all my interns to come here and so we all went and stood up front and he said” you guys are amazing you have done an awesome job i love you guys so much” and then he had the whole church stretch there hands toward us and he prayed a blessing over us.
now if he would have stood me up there and said God loves you and he said you did an amazing job i would have been like i know but when he honored us in front of everyone it really meant something to me.
another instants of this was when we were all in the green room and one of todds staff had hurt his knee and was unable to put any weight on it so they sat him down and got him some ice little while later i saw todd getting this guy a plate of food todd got done getting it got him all set up and looked at him and said do you need anything else? wow im telling you to see that genuine caring serving attitude was amazing and this lesson was double edged i felt God saying dont ever get to the place where you cant serve and dont kid your self people are always watching.
the whole time i was there i felt the glory i felt the anointing it was great but through all of that i have learned that healings, miracles, testimonies, the ooey-gooey feeling that you get, shekinah glory, and all the salvations cannot fill the place of a presonnal relationship with God, im not saying that to sound spiritual. i have lost so much of the shine that goes with the relationship, i feel God teaching me to not have my relationship placed in some encounter or visitation. i hear some people say i had this angelic encounter ten years ago and i feel like saying what has God said for the last ten years? what did God say this morning. right now i am just connecting to God through the air i breath through the sky and clouds i connect through the sound of birds i feel drawn to the creator through creation. not really through worship or soaking not through hours in prayer just living and letting God stay close to me in those moments he always has my ear and maybe he doesn’t say anything my heart is always open to his call. in summary i am in a season of falling in love with just Jesus, not the miracle Jesus, not the signs and wonders Jesus, not the savior Jesus, not even the fiery eyed Jesus, just Jesus. i find that is all i am in love with right now it is not intoxicating it is not earth shaking it is just drawing.
maybe know one can relate but my soul has been so restless and it feels like the next season is so close the next thing is close i feel like a kid at Christmas the fact that dont know what is in the present is killing me more than what the present is it self so please keep me in your prayers as i trust God that he knows what he is doing. blessings jes
Filed under Jesse | Comments (15)Look UP
We went to Rich’s house yesterday night and it was the most peaceful time. His house is up on top of a mountain and the view just blows my mind. I’m so in love with God’s creation! While we were with Rich we got to hear his story and it was such an encouragement to me to hear what he had to say. One of things that really stood out was that he came to a place in his life where God just said, “There is nothing great you can do for me, so stop trying.” It’s so refreshing to know that the weight of the world is not on your shoulders. I get so caught up in everyone else’s problems that I turn into a grey lump of mud. I even get caught up in my own problems. When all you at is the ground you’ll never see the sky.
All you will see is the dirt and the muck and you’ll have no idea that you can just step over it and move on. Craig is always telling me to calm down and I always need to hear it again. Now God is always telling me to calm down instead. I hope that Craig can have a break. My sister Cassie came to visit me this past week and she came right in the middle of the revival in Florida. She was shocked to say the least. God really rocked her world and I was soooo excited. God is amazing! But I found myself worrying in the midst of it all about what would happen when Cassie went home. It made me scared and upset. Again I was taking on the weight of the world and in this case it was Cassie’s world. What God has been telling me is to calm down. Letting go of my family has been one of the hardest things for me to do. I feel like I have to be their everything because no one else will. Trusting God with them is harder than trusting him with myself. But there is nothing great that we can do for God. There is nothing great that I can do for my family and they need something great. God is working on my heart. Praise the Lord for his grace! I love Jesus so much!
Being changed
So the biggest lesson I’m learning right now is changing instead of expecting the surroundings around me to change. I’ve had a lot of struggles with living in a community house because there’s no personal space unless you’re in your room. I have to admit that I’m still getting used to having people constantly around, but God is really teaching me that I have to learn to change instead of waiting for everyone else around me to. I’m the only one in the house who actually cares about cleaning so that’s been a real struggle, but I’m slowly letting go of expectations of what everyone else should and should not do. I figure that as long as I do my part, everything will be ok. Everyone else doesn’t need to like cleaning like I do, and I shouldn’t expect them to.
God’s been doing a lot of things in me. Corey told me the other day that he felt God was taking me to new levels of gentleness. Of course he has no idea how much that really means to me. Being gentle is the hardest thing for me to be just because i didn’t grow up in it and I wasn’t taught it. But God has been doing some serious work in my heart. The biggest thing He’s teaching me is to let go. It’s that simple. He just wants me to let go and breathe. Just let go… It seems so simple, but it’s hard for me. I really feel like “You have turned my heart of stone into a heart of flesh” is the best way I can describe what God is doing in my heart right now.
I feel like Tyler and I have just stepped over a line on the road. It’s like when you cross a border and you don’t particularly feel like you crossed because you only drove over a line on the road, but you really did. That’s how it feels. I feel like God is really stirring up both our hearts for more of Him. I cry just thinking about how much I want the Holy Spirit. I want to know Him, what he likes, what he hates, his deepest thoughts etc. I just have this really deep desire to know Him. I don’t want to just pass by Him anymore. I want to aknowledge him in everything I do and everywhere I go. I want his feelings to be more important to me that my life. I want to be his best friend. I just want to know him so much more than I do now.
Anyway, that’s where I am. God is doing so much. It’s been amazing. Even at the conference the past 2 weeks, I didn’t know how much I had to give until I started ministering to people. God’s presence was so strong one night that I felt a heavy weight on my shoulders that was pushing me further into my chair. It was so incredible! I didn’t want it to lift but it was amazing that I could get out of it and come right back into if I wanted to. One night after everyone was gone, I could have sworn that there was smoke in the room. It looked really hazy, but I thought it was just my eyes. Well, the next day, I noticed that the haze was gone…I really think it was God’s presence. I want revival to happen all over the world, not just Florida, not just the USA, but the world!
Lucrece
I am who I am
Here I am, in a hotel room, in Florida. The kids are sleeping and I am watching The Great Florida Healing Revival on the internet (check it out at www.freshfire.ca). This has been an amazing week. I actually flew down with the rest of the interns and Corey stayed back with the kids. We figured it was going to be the best thing for the kids. Well… revival started breaking out. And Corey made the 10 hour drive down with the kids.
In the days before Corey arrived I realized so much about myself. I realized I have lived in Corey’s shadow and that was my fault. It is not that Corey is overbearing, at all (for those who know him you know that’s true), in reality I purposely let myself hide behind him. I didn’t feel I could measure up to what I was supposed to be. Not having Corey with me I realized that I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was. I can lead, and serve, and minister like I never knew. Back when we were pastoring someone once said that it seemed like the ministry was such a weight on me. I wanted to say, no it is what others want me to be that is a weight. What I like is that I can just be me and enjoy ministry and my family. That is the way it is supposed to be. Each of us being who we are and doing our part to bring God’s kingdom on earth. Life is so much more fun this way. Even as I type that I have such smile on my face. It is time to get rid of the expectations of what we believe we are supposed to be and just be who we are. This has been such a blessing. I am so grateful to God for letting me be a part of this!!!!!!!
