Being changed

So the biggest lesson I’m learning right now is changing instead of expecting the surroundings around me to change. I’ve had a lot of struggles with living in a community house because there’s no personal space unless you’re in your room.  I have to admit that I’m still getting used to having people constantly around, but God is really teaching me that I have to learn to change instead of waiting for everyone else around me to.  I’m the only one in the house who actually cares about cleaning so that’s been a real struggle, but I’m slowly letting go of expectations of what everyone else should and should not do.  I figure that as long as I do my part,  everything will be ok.  Everyone else doesn’t need to like cleaning like I do, and I shouldn’t expect them to. 

God’s been doing a lot of things in me.  Corey told me the other day that he felt God was taking me to new levels of gentleness.  Of course he has no idea how much that really means to me.  Being gentle is the hardest thing for me to be just because i didn’t grow up in it and I wasn’t taught it.  But God has been doing some serious work in my heart.  The biggest thing He’s teaching me is to let go.  It’s that simple. He just wants me to let go and breathe. Just let go…  It seems so simple, but it’s hard for me.  I really feel like “You have turned my heart of stone into a heart of flesh” is the best way I can describe what God is doing in my heart right now.

I feel like Tyler and I have just stepped over a line on the road. It’s like when you cross a border and you don’t particularly feel like you crossed because you only drove over a line on the road, but you really did.  That’s how it feels.  I feel like God is really stirring up both our hearts for more of Him.  I cry just thinking about how much I want the Holy Spirit.  I want to know Him, what he likes, what he hates, his deepest thoughts etc.  I just have this really deep desire to know Him. I don’t want to just pass by Him anymore. I want to aknowledge him in everything I do and everywhere I go. I want his feelings to be more important to me that my life. I want to be his best friend.  I just want to know him so much more than I do now.

 Anyway, that’s where I am.  God is doing so much. It’s been amazing.  Even at the conference the past 2 weeks, I didn’t know how much I had to give until I started ministering to people.  God’s presence was so strong one night that I felt a heavy weight on my shoulders that was pushing me further into my chair. It was so incredible! I didn’t want it to lift but it was amazing that I could get out of it and come right back into if I wanted to.  One night after everyone was gone, I could have sworn that there was smoke in the room. It looked really hazy, but I thought it was just my eyes.  Well, the next day, I noticed that the haze was gone…I really think it was God’s presence. I want revival to happen all over the world, not just Florida, not just the USA, but the world!

Lucrece

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