I am who I am
Here I am, in a hotel room, in Florida. The kids are sleeping and I am watching The Great Florida Healing Revival on the internet (check it out at www.freshfire.ca). This has been an amazing week. I actually flew down with the rest of the interns and Corey stayed back with the kids. We figured it was going to be the best thing for the kids. Well… revival started breaking out. And Corey made the 10 hour drive down with the kids.
In the days before Corey arrived I realized so much about myself. I realized I have lived in Corey’s shadow and that was my fault. It is not that Corey is overbearing, at all (for those who know him you know that’s true), in reality I purposely let myself hide behind him. I didn’t feel I could measure up to what I was supposed to be. Not having Corey with me I realized that I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was. I can lead, and serve, and minister like I never knew. Back when we were pastoring someone once said that it seemed like the ministry was such a weight on me. I wanted to say, no it is what others want me to be that is a weight. What I like is that I can just be me and enjoy ministry and my family. That is the way it is supposed to be. Each of us being who we are and doing our part to bring God’s kingdom on earth. Life is so much more fun this way. Even as I type that I have such smile on my face. It is time to get rid of the expectations of what we believe we are supposed to be and just be who we are. This has been such a blessing. I am so grateful to God for letting me be a part of this!!!!!!!
IN GOD’S HANDS
I would have to say that since arriving in Moravian Falls it has been quite a roller coaster journey. For a lot of the time I have been wondering what God has been up to. I have not questioned whether or not we should have come. I am so excited that we were able to come but I have been wondering if I am growing and changing. One of the biggest challenges I have faced is just to rethink what I believe. Maybe that isn’t even the right way to word it. In reality I have been looking at what I say I believe and realizing that in a lot of ways my life doesn’t line up with it. Too much of what I have said I believe has simply been lip service. God has been revealing this to me.
Now, the other major thing that I have faced I was warn
ed about. Craig 
& Lori and Lacey all told us that we could expect any “stuff” that had roots in us was probably going to start coming to the surface… and that was God saying He had some stuff he was wanting to deal with in us. As the weeks passed I was becoming more and more angry. It was such a hard time because I was realizing more and more that I just did not like myself… I didn’t even want to be around me. I found that everything I said to Corey was rooted in anger. It was constant and I felt that there was no way to conquer it, it felt like it was conquering me. I was crying out to God to help me, to show me how to truly love, and to take this anger from me. I truly felt that He was my only hope… I could not gritt my teeth and act like this anger didn’t exist anymore. God had to release me from it somehow. Then last Sunday Corey & I were talking and he had looked away from me while I was talking. I really wanted to know that he was listening and so I asked him to look at me. Now this may seem small but it was an amazing turning point for me. I was simply able to keep telling my story. What was so amazing was that I normally would have become totally angry with Corey, to the point that I would not have even wanted to keep talking at all. I realized that it was a major turning point. What was so amazing was that God just wanted me to surrender myself to Him and He did the rest. It is the whole thing of the fruit of the Spirit coming to life in me. It is His fruit not me trying to make myself good enough. It is all part of His grace which is so amazing. Suddenly I felt so much love coming from Him and I wanted so badly for others to know this love and freedom that He has to offer. And just a couple of days later I has a great opportunity to make His love known. I went into a store and as I was walking through I got a sharp pain in my right knee… it was to the point that I had to limp through the store. I knew that this was not a pain of my own and that God was trying to let me know that there was someone in the store who had pain in their right knee. I found the person that I thought it was and asked her if there was pain in her right knee. She asked why and I explained that I felt God was speaking to me and that He wanted to heal her if she had pain in her right knee. So I asked again if she had pain in her knee… and yes she did. Actually pain in both knees but the right one was worse. I got to pray for her right there in the store. I was so excited because I knew God was just wanting to show her that He loved her so much that He would let a stranger know what was happening in her life so that He could touch her life.